Behind the Firewall: Notes of a Punk CIO

I’ve spent a lot of time recently mocking the anti-heroes: the Messenger of The Board, the PowerPoint guy, the compliance goddess, the guardian of everything that’s legacy, and all the others we all recognise — and let’s be honest, they deserve it :-). But today’s post is for the quiet legends.

The ones who carry projects, shield teams, ask the real questions, and somehow keep the whole machine running in a world full of blockers, buzzwords, and preparation meetings of the preparation meetings.

So here’s to the real heroes at every level — with just enough sarcasm to keep it punk :-).

🧠 The curiosity grenade 💥

(Intern)
Brings the fresh air of reality into every meeting. Asks “why” five times in a row, not to be annoying — just because they haven’t been conditioned into accepting all the nonsense yet.
Superpower: Makes everyone stop and think for once.
Catchphrase: “Wait… why are we doing it this way?”
Why they matter: They still believe things can change — and annoyingly, they’re often right.

💡 The chaos navigator

(Consultant)
Surfs through ambiguity like it’s a hobby. Juggles Jira, decks, data models, and diplomacy — often all before lunch.
Superpower: Summarizes an 80-page policy doc into three sticky notes and a Figma mockup.
Catchphrase: “I mocked up a quick version — does this work?”
Why they matter: Makes chaos look coordinated. And hustles like their rent depends on it — because it probably does. They climb the career ladder two steps at a time.

🔥 The invisible Atlas

(Senior Consultant)
Quietly carries the delivery on their back while letting others believe it was “a team effort.”
Superpower: Fluent in both PowerPoint and Python.
Catchphrase: “Let me fix that real quick.”
Why they matter: If they leave, the project breaks — and no one knows how to restart it.

🧩 The human airbag

(Manager)
Absorbs the executive shockwaves so the team can breathe. Turns chaos into Plan. Shields juniors like a shepherd dog and somehow still finds a way to smile in status calls.
Superpower: Neutralizes drama while juggling five dependencies and three stakeholders.
Catchphrase: “I’ve shielded the team — we’re good to go.”
Why they matter: The glue, the buffer, the fixer, the therapist. Basically the nervous system of the org.

🎯 The corporate streetfighter

(Director)
Knows how to kill a bad idea in five words and how to push a brilliant one through a wall of blockers. Balances politics and purpose without losing their soul.
Superpower: Smells bullshit in the first 30 seconds of any deck.
Catchphrase: “OK, but what’s the impact?”
Why they matter: Without them, every good idea would bleed out in a governance meeting.

🧭 The Unicorn in a suit

(Executive)
That mythical creature who actually listens and actually acts. Doesn’t talk about empowerment — does it.
Superpower: Empathy, clarity, and the courage to say no to 5-year PowerPoint dreams.
Catchphrase: “What do you need to make it happen?”
Why they matter: Makes bold bets, owns their mistakes, and doesn’t need a LinkedIn post to prove it.