These aren’t people—they’re patterns. The recurring personas that clog progress, delay outcomes, and make IT leadership a psychological endurance sport. You’ve met them. You might still be fighting them. Here’s your field guide.
1. The corporate theatre strategist
Job Grade: Executive Level (Grade 13-14 of 15)
Official Job Title: Senior VP of Strategy (of Everything)
Description: Lives by slides and fluffy slogans (e.g. bullsh*t), using them as a shield against execution.
Catchphrase: “Let’s take this offline and circle back.”
Story:
After a 15-minute philosophical TED Talk that goes nowhere—touching on ecosystems, synergies, and “unlocking transformational potential”—someone asks: “OK, so… left or right?” He pauses, smiles knowingly, and says: “Let’s take this offline and circle back.”
2. The methodology-first project manager
Job Grade: Project Manager (Grade 8-9)
Official Job Title: Project Manager
Description: Obsessed with methodology, even when it delays progress.
Catchphrase: “We need to update the Gantt chart.”
Story:
The client just terminated the contract, the budget’s frozen, and the team is already being reassigned. While everyone is packing up, she calmly opens MS Project and says, “We need to update the Gantt chart.” Her mouse hovers over a milestone titled “Project Kick-off – TBD.”
3. The ‘works on my machine’ developer
Job Grade: Individual Contributor (Grade 7-8)
Official Job Title: Full-Stack Developer
Description: Writes cryptic code, annoyed when others can’t debug, and thrives on obscure tech arguments that no-one understands. I mean the words individually yes, but that’s it.
Catchphrase: “It works on my computer.”
Story:
When a critical workflow deletes all user data upon a button click, he smirks and says, “It works on my computer.” No one laughs. Especially not Legal.
4. The approval bottleneck (Where decisions go to die).
Job Grade: Management (Grade 12-13)
Official Job Title: Something like Some Risk Manager
Description: Blows up trivial issues to avoid decisions, creating endless risk matrices.
Catchphrase: “We need more stakeholders to weigh in on this.”
Story:
Asked to approve a minor UI color change, he says: “We need more stakeholders to weigh in on this.” A month later, it’s still purple – the users click it anyway.
5. The dashboard illusionist
Job Grade: Team Lead (Grade 10-11)
Official Job Title: Business Intelligence and Analytics Lead
Description: Defends data access and creates overly complex dashboards.
Catchphrase: “The data doesn’t lie, but people don’t understand it.”
Story:
The CFO opens her latest dashboard and is greeted by 1,200 filter combinations, eight tabs, and a chart that appears to be animated. He asks where to find basic revenue by country. He replies: “It’s all there—you just need to use the right slicer logic.” She reopens Excel.
6. The overly optimistic workaholic
Job Grade: Project Manager/Team Lead
Official Job Title: Project Manager
Description: Says “yes” to every request, regardless of feasibility. Believes 16-hour workdays and positive energy are a substitute for planning. Burnout isn’t real—just a mindset issue.
Catchphrase: “Sure, we can do it! Let me just shuffle a few things around.”
Story:
He’s already managing four projects — all in dark red — two fire drills, and a team running on flat tyres. Someone drops a last-minute urgent request, without blinking, he says: “Sure, we can do it! Let me just shuffle a few things around.”
7. The human screensaver 😀 😀 😀
Job Grade: IT Specialist (Grade 6-7)
Official Job Title: IT Generalist
Description: Masters the art of doing nothing while appearing busy.
Catchphrase: “I’ll get to that… eventually.”
Story:
A ticket marked “Urgent – Month-end closing fully blocked” has been open for 9 days. His Teams chat response: “I’ll get to that….” He then marks himself as “In Focus Mode.” 😀 😀 😀
👀 Up next: “Innovation, Interrupted“ – where buzzwords fly, vendors swarm, and everyone wants to “move to the cloud ASAP.”
Your turn—what’s on your mind?